RetarDead 2008

 They're not so special anymore!

Greetings to one and all! This morning I will be viewing "retardead" as my movie of the day. this was given 1.5 stars on net flix and 4.2 onn IMDB. You can view the trailer HERE.

          Oddly enough this movie starts with a concession stand advertisement such as one would se in the drive through movies of yester-years. *with a slight twist*. Then moves on to previews of movies that truly don't exist and by the grace of Odin probably never will. "Dracula versus Jack the Ripper?" " Frankenstein and the Ghastly Creature of Horror?" Oh what have I gotten myself into?

Oh this is great! The girl screams but the dad comes running out of the closet. With a gentle nod to two of the greats in the film genre we hear over the loud speaker of the hospital," Dr. Romero, Dr Romero,,,Dr. Savini needs yours assistance". It seems the cops are knee deep in the middle of a case consisting of " the weeny wagger" and an LSD ring at the local elementary school. Officer tweedle dee goes looking for stamps and what does he find. an evidence locker full of LSD laced stamps. I'm not sure what acid trip he went on but I dont remember anything like what is portrayed. little animated goblins bounce around in his head as a deformed Dr stands over him grinning maniacally.

       Finally we are introduced to the not to handsome evil dr complete with eyepatch and a penchant for creating monsters out of human feces. Thats right, a shit monster! As the evil Dr's shitmonster is defeated he crawls into the sewers only to resurface once again while attending a job interview as a care giver for the mentally retarted. 

      This movie looks like it was filmed in one house. The basement serves as an interegation room for an informant on the evil Drs Stern's plot as the FBI cannot affordto cover up the rafters of the first floor and the basement window. The little girls bedroom is sectioned off behind a closed shower curtain. As previously mentioned, the hall way that the dad supposedly enters from is visibly the closet with air ducts visible above his head and clothes racks visible behind him. Unless of course this pervert just likes to hang around in his daughters closet and waits for her to sleep? GRRRRR

Officers twiddle dee and twiddle dum feel that it is in their job description to watch porn and drink beer while the good Dr hangs out in plain sight injecting his witless subjects with some unidentified toxin. That makes them basically genius in the first stage of their "metamorphosis" to become butterflies. 

Another nod, this time to WES Craven as they locate the weeny wagger located at 405 East Elm Street.

48 minutes in we are introduced to the zombie retards with a required disembowelment and tearing in two of the headmaster of the academy. the FBI learns from the CDC that the "intelligent serum" was making people mutate into ZOMBIES<<YEAH!!!

Zombies eating babies!! We have a winner! Well even if it is a visibly noticable doll. No age limit is spared. once these zombies start to roll they do a pretty good job of decimating the town and infecting others. the effects are rudementray by comparison and the zombies walk like they sticks stuck up there asses. And what is up with the Blue body paint?! the body doesn't discolor 30 seconds after someone dies! For Fucks SAKE!!! Quit using bright fucking blue!.

Well the movie may be a stinker but it does add to the voluminous library of the Zombie Universe. It doesn't take itself to seriously so that's a plus. This is not as if they set out to make an epic World apocalypse film. Just a run of the mill (and they know it) low budget flick. As usual if you wanna see the end you need to watch the flick. I'm a dick that way, or you could just ask and I might post how this stinker ends.

Have to give this two severed thumbs and remember

I watch this shit so you dont have to!

Shane

	Rick Popko	...	Deputy Rick / Porn Actress / Doctor / Ripper Detective
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
	Tony Adams	...	Agent Russo
	Michael Allen	...	Institute Director
	Shamika Baker	...	Living Dead Girl
	Jello Biafra	...	Mayor Anton Sinclaire
	Scott Britton	...	F.B.I agent
	John Brown	...	Car Crash Victim / F.B.I. agent
	Dan Burr	...	Dr. Stern
	Rick Burr	...	F.B.I. training instructor
	Timm Carney	...	Timmy
	Molly Celaschi	...	Scientist Zombie
	K.C. Coker	...	Helicopter Pilot / Helicopter zombie
	Katita Crutcher	...	Rolo's mother
	Ken Dashner	...	Concession Announcer / Professor Downing / Last Zombie Standing
	Jenny Debevec	...	Ripper victim / Bloody Beast starlet
	Andrew Deemer	...	Man with gun
	Brad Dosland	...	Angry husband
	Dave Dumanis	...	Rolo
	Dan Ellis	...	Dr. Waters
	Joe Flynn	...	Dickie Pringle
	Elisabeth Fogli	...	Dracula's bride / Mayor's assistant / Machete zombie
	Damon Foster	...	Gut munch zombie / Chest blast zombie
	David F. Friedman	...	Captain Kooky
	Joe Fynn	...	Dickie Pringle
	Gene Graves	...	Hardware store zombie
	Maria Halyna	...	Miss Hazlewood
	Danial Hemme	...	Hardware store zombie
	Jay Huston	...	James
	Stacy Jacobs	...	Sheriff's Dept. Receptionist
	Melissa Jones	...	Linda
	Jessica Katzman	...	Living Dead Girl
	Liz Kintzele	...	Mother with baby
	Shawn Kresal	...	Bobby
	Shannon Lark	...	Living Dead Girl
	Herschell Gordon Lewis	...	Opening Narration
	Heidi Martinuzzi	...	Cowgirl zombie
	Lucas Mast	...	National guardsman #2
	Joe Mcaneny	...	Clown
	Robert Moss	...	F.B.I agent
	Joe Oretega	...	Reporter #2
	Priscilla Ozuna	...	School girl victim
	Mark Pirro	...	Police sketch artist
	Bev Popko	...	Dutech assitant
	Wiley Price	...	Bobby Bensen
	J.B. Ramirez	...	F.B.I. agent
	Lisa Rein	...	Deputy Dan's Wife
	Julie Rowlette	...	Living Dead Girl
	Marc Samuels	...	Danny
	Raoul Simpson	...	Bartender
	Samar Soriano	...	Living Dead Girl
	Hannah Stangel	...	Little girl
	Amber Steele	...	Living Dead Girl
	Gordon Mah Ung	...	National guardsman #1
	Dalia Vidor	...	Wendy / Waitress
	Tiffany Warren	...	National Guard Emergency Response Soilder
	Paul Weiner	...	Sheriff Duncan
	Beth West	...	Agent Hannigan
	Dan West	...	Deputy Dan / Count Dracula / Jack The Ripper
	Michael West	...	Reporter #1
	Julie Williams	...	Hardware store girl / victim
	Tim Williams	...	Hardware store zombie