Greetings all! I know it has been a while since I have posted a review of a flick and I am sorry about that. Family life and trying to find a job keep me busy. I can not rightly watch a gore fest zombie flick with my 11 year old around. And yes I will eventually finish "Return of the Living Dead. However, today's gore fest is a two star treat courtesy of Netflix and 3.3 on IMDB. It is called "Zombie Women of Satan". You can view the trailer HERE.
As if it is any suprise, no big names or even medium names in this one. Let us get started shall we? It is quite obvious from the credits that movie is not to be taken seriously and the cast and crew do not take themselves to serious. This is a nice change of pace. The character names are those of would be porn stars. The movie starts out with duel scenes.
One of a woman doing a classic feather dance and the other of what I suppose is a "mad scientist" injecting some scantily clad victim with a green serum. Why is it always green? Why not blue or purple?
It seems the feather dancer is part of a traveling troupe. tonight they are in the "House of the Golden Lotus". Next up on stage is some pop star named Sky Brannigan. Poor lip synching ensues. As the Dr awaits, and is carried away in his thoughts, the injected victim starts to twitch and move.
Cut back to the club where Pervo the clown is attempting a knife throwing at a young wanna be starlett. The dioloque here is nice.
I quote, " Good evening, I am Pervo the clown and I will be throwing knives,,,AT HER! Lets hope I don't hit her and If i do I don't give a shit" Classic writing folks classic. Well instead of throwing knives he drops em and takes her off stage to do god knows what. I'm assuming to bump uglies.
Jump back to Mad scientist just now realizing that uh oh something isnt quite right as the girl on the gurney gets up to attack him. This is ended quickly with a knife to the top of the skull. He starts to write frantically and then calls his BDSM daughter to bring him another victim. She says she is in the farm house but it appears to be a brothel. ( I hate the term Whore house)
It's obvious this family isnt right. Because as the Dr is dragging the corpse away his nasty looking life complains that he never touches her. Hell I wouldn't touch her with George W. Bushes weiner! But she seems to be quite interested in the corpse in a disturbing way.
Pervo and his coke whore have just been then told they are getting to go on a TV show but Pervo doesnt seem to happy. It seems that the "House of the Golden Lotus" is a cabaret house filled with all sorts of acts and they seem pretty decent. They call it a night but Pervo sneaks a few women into his hotel room to party. We are treated to boobs and bondage.
As I was saying this family is corrupt as the brother is the recruiter for girls for the farm. The daughter brings in another girl for her loving daddy but is told to keep her away from mommy. hmmmm The girl appears to be in some kind of trance, as she doesn't put up any resistance. Oddly enough all the girls are dressed in white nighties, push up bras, panties and negligees.
The troupe leave for their television show. Cut to the brother who gives us some clue as to what the family is about. YEAH!! A fucking explanation! It seems their is some cult like behavior. They are one conciousness he explains. The girls are lured in by a promise of a new start, being able to put the past behind them. What wayward girl wouldn't want that? Yet they are all dressed like hookers WTF? Once again the Dr injects his next victim. Here is where the two groups finally meet each other. It is at the farm that their television appearance has been hosted.
The good Dr chooses this subject to observe and notices the typical zombie traits. Lack of pain, hunger, and oddly in this case, bleeding from the nipples.? The dutiful daughter passes out bowls of punch that has inadvertantly been spiked with the blood of one of the injected victims. At last, we know how the plague will be spread.
As the girls become poisoned they start to show symptoms of becoming zombified. Some of these women should not be in nighties. Eye bleach would be nice here, but as it has been said, "what has been seen cannot be unseen". The infected start to munch on the uninfected women and even themselves. All this while the televison filming is going on with no clue as to the happenings outside.
The troupe gets locked in while the girls are munching on themselves. It seems that Tycho the brother is the only one in the family that isnt involved in the family business.
Tycho wants to see whats going on and goes into the house only to see some giant woman munching on another young lady. Tycho his sisters Red and Blue (Like I said odd family) are chased by a zombie. They pretty much turn her head into mulch using golf clubs. The troupe starts looking for a way out. Only to realize that the fences are electrified. After regrouping they decide to try and find the pop star's sister who is a member of the cult. Pervo who jacks off to pictures of his male boss all the while saying, "I'm not gay" makes a hasty retreat as the group is attacked and "damage" the mute master of pain is bitten. uh oh. We all know where this leads. Whoo Hoo infected group member! 1 down 5 to go! All the female zombies look alike. They wear white nighties and stockings and are bleeding from their mouths , eyes, tits, and well for lack of better words....vaginas. *shivers*.
All the while mom is begging to be fucked the shit out of. (Her words not mine!) Pervo and Sky go to look for Sky's sister. Zeus the dwarf has to drop a deuce which is a bad sign when the woods are teaming with flesh eating zombies. Not how I want to go out with my pants around my legs. This leads to approximately 5 minutes of him taking a dump. Obviously constipated, he hears noises all around him. This leads to a petty funny scene where he walks away and we see a HUGE pile of turds. A zombie chases down his scent and is horrified by the smell of the pile.
Tycho genuinely seems like a nice fellow who has nothing to do with what is going on. The troupe takes out a few more zombies. The Dr. seems enthralled with this subject. Zues tries to find his way back to the others. The children confront their father about his tests. The troupe of misfits find a survivor and lock themselves in a barn. FAST PACED MOVIE
Tycho starts to fondle the zombie and decides to have sex with the zombie. Tycho has now lost my respect. All the while daddy is videotaping, for science. As he shows the film to him mom they swap spit in a very disturbing scene after which he calls her a slag which at this point I have to agree. While this is going on the two sisters are sent to kill Sky and the rest of the troupe. Sky's sister becomes concious and lucid only to be captured by the two twisted sisters.
The troupe however is not fairing so well as a zombie has been locked in with them. She attacks the uninfected girl first, then takes a nibble outta Zeus. Sky stabs the chick in the brain and Zeus is tricked into going outside only to find the two sisters and making a meal out of one of them. This movie seems to have a thing for after kill shots. What I mean by this is after every kill they do a close up of the braindead zombie with a bullet through the noggin. Or a quivering mass of head jelly.
Pervo bein the fucking genuis he is, decapitates Johhny with the chain saw and splits the zombies skull in two. Very remanesant of Mortal Kombat fatalities. The three remaining crew decide to leave and find Rachael. Tycho takes off not to kill the zombies, but the three remaining troupe members. The truly horrifying thing about this movie is the slow running, fat, bleeding zombies with their tits exposed.
Obviously they lactate green acidic slime. "M" (Rachael) releases mommy to wreak havok on her husband. All this action ends with a mexican style standoff between Tycho, Pervo, Red, Sky, and Rachael. Daddy Dr kills Tycho, then he shoots Sky, Pervo tosses a knife into his eye socket, in his pain the Dr shoots his remaining offspring, Red. After pulling the knife and his eyball out Rachael shoots him for good measure only to discover that her sister Sky was merely grazed. (How conveniaint).
The four remaining "survivors" (Pervo, Rachael, Harmony Starr, and Sky) make their way out of the lab. The final scene is of psycho mommy dearest running free through the woods.
There is so much that happens in this movie that is repulsive that i have to give high marks simply for that. The acting wasn't half bad, but the story line had more holes than all the zombie's head's combined. the gore factor was pretty realistic at times. and their is one interesting scene with a zombie in a wheel chair.
Overall I give this three severed thumbs, and remember folks;
I watch this shit so you dont have to!
Shane | Warren Speed | ... | Pervo the Clown |
 | Victoria Hopkins | ... | Skye Brannigan |
| Victoria Broom | ... | Rachel Brannigan / Cult Girl M |
 | Marysia Kay | ... | Red Zander |
| Peter Bonner | ... | Zeus |
| Kate Soulsby | ... | Harmony Starr |
 | Bill Fellows | ... | Henry Zander |
| Gillian Settle | ... | Blue Zander |
| Christian Steel | ... | Tycho Zander |
| Joe Nicholson | ... | Damage |
| Jez Hunt | ... | Strange Man |
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