Greetings all! This flicks title is "DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!" This received 2 stars on netflix and 4.6 on IMDB. you can view the trailer HERE. I have never seen or heard of this movie so i have no guesses as to what I'm getting into here.
this movie starts out with a dedication to Hasil Adkins. He also narrates the beginning of the film in a schizophrenic manner of editing. The story he tells starts out on hells island with what appears to be some people of an asian desent hacking at the ground with slingblades when a spaceship crashlands. the credits then role interlaced with film footage of a guy carrying a scythe.
Cut to a scene of two teenagers getting it on in the car with the crazy scythe weilding maniac about to rip them apart until she says I love you and the psycho has a change of heart!WTF? jump to pot smoking hippies, this time crazy dude lops off their heads? Jump to modern day Hells island. Two hotties doing research on the beach. they head back to the tent to play with a phallic looking ,,dare I say it?.....Bone(r). They rub caress and worship it as if this thiing was real. Obviously size queens.
They are broken from their trance of the member by a loud explosion. they run to find the third researcher Nikki naked in the water. Gratuitous T and A. gotta love it. of course the other two decide what the hell, and join her. now we have three naked hotties in the ocean and a creepy stalking guy in the bushes talking in a low (trying to be menacing ) voice.
Later that night the three "researchers"call it a night as the reptile man with the giant weiner runs into the woods only to be chased by one of the girls who just happens to fall. They are then abducted by a cloaked figure. Where in the hell is this movie going?!
jump scenes again. this time we are in the living room with a woman who looks like a mixture of June Cleaver and a china doll. Mr crazy walks in and presents her with body parts which she plays with as if a child is playing with toys on christmas morning. They play with the entrails and she passes on his "gift" a superhero costume made from human skin. Dear God help ME! the acting is so fucking terrible! They proceed to get busy all the while the guy is screamiing "rubber diiiicks". IDFK! anyways, the cops show up asking about the three researchers. the crazy guy is obviously crazy. the cops skip the blood, the severed hand in his mouth and proceed to tell him to have a nice day.
jump back to hells island as Mr. Nefarious introduces himself to the three half naked women. the camera makes sure to do a tight swooping shot of their rears as he speaks. he tells the girls he has finished his zombitron. "easy really. Just point it at a victim,, pull the trigger and huzzah!,,instant zombie. once he has enough zombies to help him build his "enormozombitron" he will zombify the world!.
Oh MY GOD! he just turned them into Zombiesand they are now his play toys. As Mr. Nefarious watches tv we are treated (or tortured) by a hillbilly version of the newlywed show. why? I dont know. I'm lost on this movie. When crazy guy and crazy girl get to making with the "whoopy" the studio execs try to stop them only to have crazy girl bite out the other chicks throat.
I cant go into detail what happens next.
OK SO THIS IS A FIRST. I GOT 21 MINUTES AND 20 SECONDS INTO THIS BEFORE I STARTED FEELING GUILTY FOR WASTING MY TIME AND YOURS. AVOID THIS STEAMING PILE OF HORSE MANURE! There is no way I'm going to sit through another hour and 45 minutes of this.
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| I give this one finger for the wasted time. |
And remember I watch this shit so you don't have to! DEAR GOD PLEASE DON'T!
Shane
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