Zombiez

Greetings all!

Today we have what will probably be the worst Zombie movie I have ever seen. Given 1 1/4 stars by IMDB.com and 2 stars by netflix reviewers this is a promising POS. You an view the trailer HERE

Lets get started shall we! Right off we are given a definition of what a true "Zombie" is according to Voodoo folklore. This is key as the zombies in this movie are of this kind but are still used as hunters and eat their prey. Immediately we are treated to poor lighting, poor acting and poor special effects. Some random guy is attacked, hacked to death by cythe weilding Zombies.

Scene jump one solitary black lady is making her way through what appears to be the docks and gets hassled by her boss. It isn't clear what exactly she does. After an exchange of words between her co-workers she goes storming off and they continue the pointless banter. For some odd reason we are now shown the definitionn of the word "fear". 

Scene jump to two ladies waiting for a bus in broad daylight. One being the chick from the previous scene. It appears at this point that she is trying to hit on the other girl. As the other girl walks away she turns and notices the guy that is dribbling his basketball in a not so professional style disappears. What she didnt see was the zombie dragging him off.

Bright girl goes to see what is up and witnesses homeboy being munched on and the Zombie picks up his scythe and starts after her.  The zombie dispactes her boss and then runs her into the office where she works. 

She runs out the back door only to be confronted by the same zombie. Hey they got some inteligence I guess. Just as thinks look Dim for our maiden a car comes fom nowhere and splats the zombie. Out steps a black man with dark shades and rippling biceps. It appears all is well. 

OOOOPS big, black hero guy dies as two other weapon weilding zombies tear into him.  The cops show up and the zombies run off. The detective tries to muscle her and get her story.  But obviously this isnt going well. Obviously she isnt telling them about the eating of the body parts. 

At her crib (which isnt to bad, what does she do?) we are introduced to her hubby. Who obviously knows. For some reason she takes off her shirt and pants. And then decides to talk to her hubby.  Cut to glass breaking and her waking up. Walking around in her panties, the Zombies somehow find her place and quickly do away with her hubby. I hate holy stories. In an unusual twist some nonzombie guy guy waits till she comes out of the room and knocks her out cold as shit.

She awakens in a tortue room and witnesses a guy using a power drill on some other guys gut. She unties herself and tries to escape. It appears as though she has been taken hostage and is being held by some big tattooed punk who states and I quote, " Come back here I dont want to hurt you. I just want to cut your heart out." By the settings it appears that we are in he same dock setting as the original shot so I'm assuming a budget for travell here was nill.

As our heroine tries payphones, carjacking nd running in what appears to be a gian fucking circle we see absolutely noone. Ok this is the middle of the day, no cars, no people, no budget... As she runs we fade out and fade into a frame defining "lost". DUH

Jump scenes, she is now in the woods.WTF kinda writing?!Still wearing the same clothes from the day before and looking freshly made up she runs into a heard of zombies who obviously have speaking abilities? They also laugh and find the chase through the wood to be invigorating. Note: So far the only people not of color are the asshole boss and the asshat detective. As we continue our romp through the sunny woods , she appears lost but hears the zombies all around her,,,and the chase continues. AGAIN,,,(Thanks DAVE!)

She locks herself in someone else's random shack in the woods.  The zombie horde is obviously afraid of injury as they are chased off by the owners meat cleaver. ooooh plot enhancer. she was obviously part of a demolition crew set to blow a nearby building. As our heroine and who appears to be Shaggy the musician make their way through the woods. They part ways as he gives her directions which she is guaranteed not to follow. Shaggy  gets attacked by the horde. With some quick spinning camera work to disorient the viewer and cause even more distress than sitting through this pos.

Suprisingly she follows the directions shaggy gave her and makes her way to the river only to be swept downstream by the quick flowing water. Eventually making it ashore she continues her quest to find her husband. yeah like he'll be in one piece. No story line or plot is discernable up to this point. In fact I am confident I could go smoke a smoke and not miss anything of consequence. She eventually makes it to the road. Only to cause a wreck which is totally unrealistic as the drivers intestines spill onto the  road as she opens the door. All this from a head on with a light pole.

As our unknown chase victim tries to steal the wrecked car she hears her husband calling her name Josephine in the woods. It winds up being a trap set up by the "zombies". She heads back to the car and tries to make a molitov cocktail using the cigarette lighter as the fire source. Note: Anyone who has ever used a car lighter knows they dont stay hot that long and the cocktail was pretty much worthless.  So our genuise lady of wonder jumps down breaking/spraining her ankle and heads where?,,,Why back into the woods of course. Moving at a snails pace we hope she isnt attacked. She tries to reset her leg. Magically, this works and she splints her leg and heads back into the highway.

Once there she sets out to do god knows what but hey the leg seems to have heeled nicely. She makes her way back into town and to the docks. She hears what may be her husband calling from upstairs. A lot of Stairs! Once up stairs she is taken captive by two men. at this point it is impossible to tell if these are zombies or breathers. She is hung beside a coworker she hates. Who's intestines are hanging out. 

A large group of Zombies appear with what I assume is their master as he has full control over them. Hopefully we will find out what the hell is going on. no such luck they tear into the tied up guy as the Zombie master cuts off one of her fngers and munches down. Lovely another definition, this time "despair". the writer should be drawn and quartered. 

Our heroine makes an escape attempt taking one zombie with her. Obviously zombies, undead or not cant ties knots effectively. Even after being told they ate her husband an hour ago she still is on the look out for them. She searches through the building. As she makes her way outside she see two men loading up pies. It appears that they are putting human flesh into pies.. why? Who the Fu^& knows.

She "vomits" pink yogurt. and makes her way to the zombie master who is taking shots at a man dressed in a chicken suit. 

She follows the Zombie master to find her husband. Come to find out it is simply a gang out to take control of the streets. The zombie master kills one of his men , but no blood, no gun wounds, nothing. All this time 3 feet away our herione rescues her hubby who cant walk. (maybe if he pulled his fucking pants up!) Dumbass husband starts to call her name "Josephine" as the gang surrounds him and kills him. our herione rushes 5 hardcore gangsters and gets the only gun in the room and starts to open fire. With her bf dead we assume she is on a new mission now. As the "Revenge" definition leads us in the right direction.

Jump scene, she chases down the master shooting gangsters and hacking them up on the way to him. of course the gun needs no reloading. She finds the master and holds him at bay. Of course she is empty by the time that he gets the gun from her. a chase ensues in which she comences to start boxing falls near the knife and as he approaches she stabs him. He crawls away but josephine is on the prowl and corners him . She cuts his throat and walks away thus ending the movie for my part. 

This was definately a stinker in the worst degree. As my 11 year old states, " the cover is better than the movie. And I agree. I would not suggest this movie. The term Zombie is deceptive here. I know I said there will always be a place for anything Zombie on this website but I thinking the most appropriate place for this movie is the trash receptacle.

I give this one half a severed thumb. and remember,

I watch this shit so you dont have to!

Shane

	Jenicia Garcia	...	Josephine
	Jackeem Sellers	...	The Dr.
	Randy Clarke	...	Steve
	Raymond Spencer	...	Terry
	Gladimir Georges	...	Squatter
	John Paul Fedele	...	Cop (as John Fedele)
	Erel Pilo	...	Auto Victim
	J. Teddy Garces	...	First Victim
	Mike Mouzon Jr.	...	#1 Zombie
	Shaun May	...	Factory Man
	Ramiro Correia	...	Factory Man
	Angela Chumpitaz	...	Make Out Gal
	Kenny Hopper	...	Tommy Poler
	Loki	...	The Butcher
	Musa A. Cooper	...	Drill Victim
	Deanna Casnovas	...	Nude Victim
	Drea Castro	...	Bus Patron (as Andrea Gonzalez)
	John Bacchus	...	Epstein (as Zack Snygg)
	Paul Swan	...	Chicken
	Dwayne Austin	...	Ball Player
	Cristian Crismo	...	Zombiez - woods
	Jamel Scott	...	Zombiez - woods
	Laura Ruiz	...	Zombiez - woods
	Hakimah Shalid	...	Zombiez - woods
	Charles Foushee	...	Zombiez - woods (as Charles 'Mr. Freeze' Foushee)
	Damon Price	...	Zombiez - woods
	Edrick Browne	...	Zombiez - woods
	Cleo House Jr.	...	Zombiez - woods
	Cory A. Kadamani	...	Zombiez - Loft
	Michael Diaz	...	Zombiez - Loft
	Ryan James	...	Zombiez - opening
	Khalipa Oldjohn	...	Zombiez (as Khalipa OldJohn)
	Miguel Collado	...	Zombiez - Factory
	Damien Green	...	Zombiez - Factory
	Jamyle Snead	...	Zombiez - Factory
	Rich Sires	...	Zombiez - Factory
	Mario Andres	...	Zombiez - Factory
	Chris Fraley	...	Zombiez - Factory
	Vincent Jones	...	Zombiez - Factory
	Zaire Baptiste	...	Zombiez - Chicken Lair
	Courtney S. Bunbury	...	Zombiez - Chicken lair
	Jerome Gall	...	Zombiez - Chicken Lair
	Anthony Russo	...	Zombiez - Chicken Lair
	Delwyne Labrie	...	Curious Zombie

greetings all!!

What's up all!

Sorry I have been away for a while. I plan to retake my place as key contributor and preview the episode of "Zombiez" suggested to me by Dave.  So look forward to it coming soon.

Shane

Dead Nation (VG PS3)

Dante' here,

Today We will discuss the video game Dead Nation. Not to be confused with the movie. This is the PS3 release. 

Story: This game takes place after a Zombie Apocalypse of unknown origin. Two player max. This means you and a partner are trying to get to an undisclosed location. Fortunately you and your partner are immune to the infection and there are those that want to know why.

User interface:  3rd person perspective, pretty easy to control the character(s). 

Weapons: At the start the player is limited to certain weapons , mainly assault rifle with unlimited ammo and a laer sight. As you progress you can ungrade weapons that become available further in the game. you can also aquire upgraded armor. 

Levels: Each has a certain number of treasures to loot, armor to find, and puzzling movement to navigate the level. these are kept track of.

Zombies: As you progress you come into contact with various different types of Zombies. This could include the "bombies" and "jumpers" to name a few. There are those times in which you can become easily surrounded by hordes of Zombies. Hint* There is always a location to bottleneck the Zombies. Utilize this.

Trophies: Trophies are pretty easy to obtain, you will get most on the first play through.  There are 5 different levels of difficulty so replayability is no issue. Only you don't get to keep your aquired goods.

Overall Game Play: I would give this 4 severed thumbs for playability and re-playability.

If you disagree or feel that I have missed something, feel free to comment.

Dante'

Coming soon!

For all you Walking Dead Fans out there i will be working on the dead series( both comic and TV) but until then check out these cool Walking dead Memorabilia that Dave found on line. Thanx Bro!

Shane

http://www.bigbadtoystore.com/bbts/menu.aspx?menu=1097

Random Pics

Princess Peach with the scattergun!

This is possibly the truth and we dont even know it.

Pics courtesy of Jennifer

Die You Zombie Bastards! 2005 (NSFW)

Greetings all! This flicks title is "DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!" This received 2 stars on netflix and 4.6 on IMDB. you can view the trailer HERE. I have never seen or heard of this movie so i have no guesses as to what I'm getting into here. 

this movie starts out with a dedication to Hasil Adkins. He also narrates the beginning of the film in a schizophrenic manner of editing. The story he tells starts out on hells island with what appears to be some people of an asian desent hacking at the ground with slingblades when a spaceship crashlands. the credits then role interlaced with film footage of a guy carrying a scythe. 

Cut to a scene of two teenagers getting it on in the car with the crazy scythe weilding maniac about to rip them apart until she says I love you and the psycho has a change of heart!WTF? jump to pot smoking hippies, this time crazy dude lops off their heads? Jump to modern day Hells island. Two hotties doing research on the beach. they head back to the tent to play with a phallic looking ,,dare I say it?.....Bone(r). They rub caress and worship it as if this thiing was real. Obviously size queens.

They are broken from their trance of the member by a loud explosion. they run to find the third researcher Nikki naked in the water. Gratuitous T and A. gotta love it. of course the other two decide what the hell, and join her. now we have three naked hotties in the ocean and a creepy stalking guy in the bushes talking in a low (trying to be menacing ) voice.

Later that night the three "researchers"call it a night as the reptile man with the giant weiner runs into the woods only to be chased by one of the girls who just happens to fall. They are then abducted by a cloaked figure. Where in the hell is this movie going?!

jump scenes again. this time we are in the living room with a woman who looks like a mixture of June Cleaver and a china doll. Mr crazy walks in and presents her with body parts which she plays with as if a child is playing with toys on christmas morning. They play with the entrails and she passes on his "gift" a superhero costume made from human skin. Dear God help ME! the acting is so fucking terrible! They proceed to get busy all the while the guy is screamiing "rubber diiiicks". IDFK! anyways, the cops show up asking about the three researchers. the crazy guy is obviously crazy. the cops skip the blood, the severed hand in his mouth and proceed to tell him to have a nice day.

jump back to hells island as Mr. Nefarious introduces himself to the three half naked women. the camera makes sure to do a tight swooping shot of their rears as he speaks. he tells the girls he has finished his zombitron. "easy really. Just point it at a victim,, pull the trigger and huzzah!,,instant zombie. once he has enough zombies to help him build his "enormozombitron" he will zombify the world!. 

Oh MY GOD! he just turned them into Zombiesand  they are now his play toys. As Mr. Nefarious watches tv we are treated (or tortured) by a hillbilly version of the newlywed show. why? I dont know. I'm lost on this movie. When crazy guy and crazy girl get to making with the  "whoopy" the studio execs try to stop them only to have crazy girl bite out the other chicks throat.

I cant go into detail what happens next. 

OK SO THIS IS A FIRST. I GOT 21 MINUTES AND 20 SECONDS INTO THIS BEFORE I STARTED FEELING GUILTY FOR WASTING MY TIME AND YOURS. AVOID THIS STEAMING PILE OF HORSE MANURE! There is no way I'm going to sit through another hour and 45 minutes of this. 

I give this one finger for the wasted time.

And remember I watch this shit so you don't have to! DEAR GOD PLEASE DON'T!

Shane